If you can’t say anything nice

My great grandmother often taught us how to behave through a collection of favorite sayings. Some of them I understood immediately. Others, as a little girl, I puzzled over. But one that was understood and yet difficult for a chatty child is, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”

When researching our families, we assemble a treasure trove of information. We know births, marriages, deaths. We list children, spouses, grandchildren, aunts, uncles, and cousins. We search for obituaries, land records, the list goes on and on.

Sometimes we encounter information that isn’t comfortable. What do you do with that?

Uncomfortable Information

The first time I encountered uncomfortable information concerned one of my great grandfathers. He was never talked about. I only recall three times he was mentioned and from the tone of voice more than the words, I got the impression something was not quite right. Years later, when I stumbled across a set of newspaper articles from the early 1900’s, I was stunned.

If I painted his picture using only the words from those articles, it would cast him in a very negative light. But is that a fair portrait?

Family is Complicated

Family is a complicated organism. It encompasses a range of relationships and dynamics. Family interactions can shape our personalities, values, and decision-making. Beginning with the revelation of my great grandfather’s debacle, I could see a thread of life-choices running through multiple generations.

Family Matters

This section of Art of Recollection is set apart from the public-facing side. This section will contain the uncomfortable, lesser-known tales that may be of value to future generations. At a minimum, these stories will reassure future family that…